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| 05:20pm 22/02/2006 |
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happy birthday stephanie!!! |
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| 09:22pm 15/01/2006 |
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this weekend was a great one.
on friday night, jakers and i took off to kzoo
to see our baby timmy play with his new band.
it was great, i smiled all night. i met many great kids.
wade threw me in a sink, i punched timmy in the face repeatedly
and we danced to shitty tunes.
last night, i saw many of my long lost loves
and danced to wonderful jams.
had lots of talks with people
who make me think in a good way.
but... its over now. and weirdness is setting in.
i keep expecting that phone call
and i swear i keep hearing the car beep.
and its so strange to know i'll never hear that again.
dont get me wrong, i'm happy i feel great.
i can hang out with my friends and not feel guilty.
i dont feel like a crappy person all the time, i feel good.
but its just gonna take some time. gotta get used to it.
never had to do that before. |
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| 06:08am 11/01/2006 |
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becky, i hope that you birthday is as magical as can be, and maybe even filled with poison ice cream... |
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| 10:14pm 05/01/2006 |
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im looking at papers and post its, i dont know what they mean
the clock is going way too fast, i just want it to slow down for like two minutes
fuck this big girl job, i miss my friends
i want to have time for something real again.
nothing seems real here. im sick of the fakers
and i cant do this for the rest of my life knowing that one day, they'll just fake me.
i know the kids are fine.
im too young to be stuck in this. i know that.
six more months... i know it'll be gone in a flash
just like the past eight.
every morning, i want to get in a car crash kind of.
and i want my car to break down, kind of.
or be caught up in some random tragic incident... kind of.
that shit aint right. i know that. |
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| 01:35pm 02/01/2006 |
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i woke up this morning to the person in the apartment next to mine
knocking on the wall saying "hellooo, let me iiin"
then he played greenday really loud, as usual
and has been knocking on the wall (on and off) all day
and dino so does NOT appreciate it. |
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| 03:01pm 29/12/2005 |
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i want to do something fun tonight.
if you also want to do something fun, we should do that fun thing together.
let me know about the fun. |
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| 02:03pm 17/12/2005 |
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last night was pure magical goodness.
thank you for inviting me sarah it made me feel so nice!
i most certainly enjoyed dancing and singing and snow angeling
and sitting with sarah in my car smoking many cigs and trying to catch up
but we just had so many stories, they just mixed together and added up to one giant i missed you.
the evening ended perfectly as i went on a desperate search for a blanket. i came upon a bed so i jumped on that bed and hugged the blanket only to find that someone was already under it and i was hugging their booty butt. i said i hope this is sarah ronau. and guess what. it was!
( Read more... ) |
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| 10:37pm 15/12/2005 |
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today was probably one of the lamest days ive ever lived
work was so stupid and i wanted to quit in a fit of rage. but i didnt.
i did make a snow family though. snow man snow woman and snow kiddies.
then i drove home and wanted to kill a lot of suvs
seriously man. suv's.
they think they're the only cars who know how to drive in snow
until they go too fast and cant stop and try to kill me!
o well at least applesauce can still fill up for 25
also (sarah you'll probably appreciate this): today "the music lady" came to sing christmas songs at work. she asked the kids if they had any favorite songs that they wanted to sing. conner raised his hand and said "my favorite song is the animal happy birthday song" no one knew what he was talking about, so the music lady asked him to sing it for us. in the most innocent voice of a 3 year old, in front of 20 kids and many parents, conner proudly sang "happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too". later we sang old macdonald. when it was conner's turn to pick an animal, he decided that an ostrich would be the best choice. and that ostrich had a rar rar here and a rar rar there. |
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| 10:37pm 14/12/2005 |
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once again, my friends save my life
i feel like i've got it back, even if its just a little bit
in the morning i listen to junior senior on my way to work
and i dance and sing and smile in my car again
thank you friends. you make me so happy.
im starting to wonder if this is really what i want to do forever...
today, andrew smacked me in the face.
i just put him down and walked away, i thought i was gonna cry even.
do i want to do this forever?
clean poo off of butts and wipe noses overflowing with boogers
and teach people some insanely important life lessons
that they'll just forget in seconds?
i dont know.
ps. santino rice, i love you |
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| you dont have to be a scientist to do experiments |
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| 11:14pm 05/12/2005 |
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remember when everything was totally fucked up and we were permadrunk and on speed all the time
we were all a bunch of miserable assholes with nothing to do
so we hung out together and made each other hurt and then tried to fix it
i love you all im sorry for everything im sorry i lost touch with (almost) everyone i've ever loved.
i want to have stretch armstrong arms so i can grab everyone and pull them in for one big fat hug.
with that said
dearest friends wherever you are these days,
get me outta this rut! ive been here too long.
if you're in a rut, i'll help get you out too.
i want to go to a stupid retarded party with all of my friends and all of those kids who i talk to just because i feel like i have to.
i want to try on many multiple outfits and hair styles until fits are thrown and shouts of "im not even going!" can be heard throughout the hallways.
i want to stay up all night and laugh and draw pictures and sing songs and dress up
its way past my bedtime. |
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| 09:46pm 30/11/2005 |
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"look little you in the eye every time you encounter a child" |
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| 11:42pm 27/11/2005 |
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work. drink. cry. sleep.
how rad. |
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| take all that pain and turn it into love |
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| 11:19pm 22/11/2005 |
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IM NOT READY FOR THE SNOW
on another note,
ive become such a bore!
i work, go to school, drink a few white russians and sleep.
that's life, and thats it.
ive been reading all of this existentialist philosophy
which for sure has its moments when i get fuzzy and say a little fuck yeah
but i think, overall, its only making matters worse.
ive been craving that ultimate feeling that i get
when i just stay up till all hours
with some chick talking and remembering and pausing to watch bad tv
i remember when i was fun and happy and kind
and i absolutely hate that ive let what has happened bring me into this place
im happy its true, but i remember a day when i brought happiness to others aside from jason
and i think i forgot how to dance |
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| 08:21pm 14/11/2005 |
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dear freshman year,
i miss you dearly...
can i please live you just one more time?
( Read more... ) |
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| 09:47pm 18/10/2005 |
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my job most certainly requires a fairly strong stomache, as bodily fluids are ever present and usually must be taken care of by my own hands.
but on this day, i witnessed the most disgusting thing in all of my years in childcare
today, one child was in a pull-up for the first time
so of course she was excited about the freedom
so i called her to the bathroom at changing time.
as i was putting on some gloves, i heard another child say "eww"
two and three year olds rarely say "eww" so i knew it was going to be bad.
i turned to see the little girl pull down her pull up which was full of some nasty poo
i said ooh its ok just it happens,
held my breath and frantically looked for the nearest cleaning supplies.
some poo got on her hand.
she looked at the poo, she looked at me
her eyes were curious and scared
she put her hand in her mouth, poo and all.
the horror on her face after tasting the poo was like nothing ive ever seen.
im sure my face wasnt much different than hers. |
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| 06:52pm 26/09/2005 |
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so, speaking of this one year thing....
ive never been with anyone for more than a couple of months, so i dont know what to do...
jason told me he wants to get all classy and take me to a nice restaurant
but he told me i gotta pick the place...
where do we go?
i want to give him a present but what do i get this dude?
i am so not making a stupid picture book cutesy crap.
i need help!!! |
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| word |
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| 08:15pm 24/09/2005 |
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work has been rad. got a check for 1200 and almost passed out in the pfizer parking lot. i celebrated by buying some good vodka and kahlua. conferences went so well. i was nervous and almost barfing before i entered the conference room, but it was so nice to just sit down and talk to the parents about how totally awesome their kids are. i even got a present from one of the moms, which looks quite cute in the kitchen. we finally got all of the new furniture, so the apartment is looking way cute now. although its still strange to live in such a nice place. and dino is fiiiiiinally getting used to it!
my old landlord called me just to tell me that when he was working on the house, the 3 year old from next door came knocking on the door asking if i was home. steve told him that i moved and the little guy asked "why did she move away from us" so sad. i miss that little guy, and all of my other ypsilanti pals especially you, becky. im going to have to make a trip out there soon to hang out with the kids and everyone else.
in mushier news, i still cant believe that i met jason a year ago. its so weird that we are still in love... i dont get it. with any other dude, i woulda been totally sick of him after a month and running far far away. but i guess its different because i love him for the way he thinks and the things he says, as opposed to assuming our compatability based on favorite bands, clothes, and mutual friends. one year ago, we were carrying a couch across ypsi and i was sure to carry a piece with him so that i could stare at him and make him looove me. i was luring him over with sneaky tetris invitations. he's my man and he's my best friend. im so stupid smiley girly over him still, and i dont even care. he'll be back soon, so i am off to prepare some white russians.
yeah well i dont write much anymore! |
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